Spot, The EVIL Cat from Hell

Spot, our cat of (at least) 15 years of age, is the most annoying vile piece of fur every wrought upon this planet earth, short of rabid ferral pigs and abused rottweilers.

Ever since MrsDuck fell sorry for Spot and brought him into our house 14 years ago, I had no such feelings for such a small, pithy animal. This cat is nutz. He thinks he's a dog. He will come when you call (very UN-cat-like) and will walk on a leash.

Spot will only eat ONE KIND of cat food, Deli Cat, and unfortunately the CAT BARF that comes spewing from said cat will always undoubtedly clash with every carpet it pukes on (and it's puked on all of them). I have been through $600 worth of carpet cleaning products and is not the most thrifty expense in the whole house by a long shot.

Spot will also happen to pick some random time of night (never in the day) to wake up and decide to MEOW HIS HEAD OFF FOR 15 MINUTES STRAIGHT!. Said activity will wake up everyone in the Duck household, including the Ducklings, in which I will have to spend another hour trying to get them back to sleep.

Spot will also find the most inopportune time to acquire an injury, such as a cut ear, and make the most of it. He had cut his ear on some sharp object in the house just as we put our house on the market for sale years ago. Because of the cut ear, some blood would ooze out, and because it is an ear the sensation of blood sitting on the ear will make said cat fling his head from side-to-side quickly, flinging drops of blood all over the house, thus rendering the interior of our house looking like the set of "Friday the 13th - Freddy Visits the Blood Bank". It took me 2 days to clean up after the cat had flung enough blood from his ear to splatter the walls and furniture in every room of the house.

Back to puke, upon any change in environment, such as visitors with small children, Spot will run off and puke in another room, just in time for us and our guests to discover it only minutes later. ("Gee that's a wonderful orange stain on your white berber there...")

Last of all, Spot will engage in extreme physical acrobatics not seen since watching about 200 Warner Brothers cartoons, in which you try to put Spot into his cat carrier. The most proven method, and one that will only result in ONE trip to the hospital for cuts and lacerations, is where you put on one pair of welding gloves, a heavy denim jacket, and preferably a motorcycle helmet, sneak up behind Spot and GRAB HIM and fling him into the carrier in one quick motion. Any other method is lethal to the "grabber" and never the "grabbee". On my last attempt, I only sustained two large cuts with 30 stitches and that was for his annual physical exam.

Spot is evil. Spot is dangerous. And Spot is a cat.

Eight pounds of hellbound fury, all covered in black fur.




Copyright 2003