The Duck Family Gets a Christmas Tree!

We're pretty much "old traditionalists" as we don't put up a tree the day after Thanksgiving, it's usually about mid-December before we even think of putting up a tree. Both MrsDuck and I have been on business trips every weekend, this was one of the few in which we had time to finally go out and get a tree.

However, I'm usually a "stick in the mud" type and not very excited about all of it. But with the Ducklings growing older, they now look forward to all the typical holiday stuff like any 5- and 3-year-old would. So why spoil it for them?

First, where do we go and get a tree?

Duck: Well we did get our last one from Home Depot, I KNOW they have them there.
MrsDuck: I just passed the farm bureau building and some group is selling trees out there.
Duckling1: WE'RE GONNA GET A TWEE! WE'RE GONNA GET A TWEE!!!! <dances>
Duckling2: TWEE! TWEE! COW! Wat twee? <looks around> No twee?
D: Well, should I take <Duckling1> or <Duckling2>? I'd rather take <D1>.
MD: No, we're ALL going together, this is a family tradition!
D1: A twad...a twad...a what?
D2: Cow?

Oh boy, trying to look at trees while two small children run amuck while operating chainsaws are in the vicinity. What fun...

D: How are we gonna get the tree home?
MD: On the roof, Silly.
D1: Can I wide on the woof, Daddy?
D: No, she means we'll tie the tree to the roof of the van and scratch the dickens out of the paint. <As I glare at MrsDuck...MrsDuck glares back...> Okay, I'll get the stuff to tie it to the roof.

Small children are interesting things. They act just like a PlayDoh Fun Machine, you know the "pump" toy where you put in PlayDoh in the top, and then you extrude PlayDoh through a shape form on the other side of the pump? Small children will mimic this action, however, what comes out their other end is NOT PlayDoh.

Just as we put a coat on D2, D2 bends over in a very deliberate motion.

D: Geez, we just put his coat, hat, boots, mittens, and scarf on...can't we just?
MD: No, gotta change him. DID YOU POOP?

D1 and I wait for another 10 minutes as MrsDuck disassembled D2 for a diaper change. I go into the garage and get about rubber tie-downs, 4 elactic tie-downs, and just in case, 4 Red Ancra strap tie-downs. (The Ancras can hold a Harley in the back of a pickup truck in a hurricane, these should easily hold a tree onto an Aztek...)

We all pile into the Aztek and head over to the Farm Bureau building. It's part of the county fairgrounds, the tree sale is being held by the local 4-H chapter in one of the concrete block buildings.

They had been selling trees since the past weekend, so their selection was down a bit. As we enter the building:


This building is also used as a horse barn in warmer weather, and the Ducklings just happened to stumble across (literally) the only pile of dried horse manure within 3 miles. The county just happened to not clean one particular stall out before leasing the building. Or wasn't this building used on Election Day?

Anyway, D2 picks up a good-sized wedge of horse manure and THROWS IT, it hits a 8-foot blue spruce standing nearby...or that is, it WAS standing. D2 happened to hit it just right near the top and tipped it over...

...thus knocking down 4 more trees... MrsDuck and I quickly scramble to catch D2, who is running around this horse barn, enjoying the chase immensely.

D2: WEEEE!!!!
MD: Don't touch that it's HORSE POOP!

After we quickly catch each other and survey the damage, the 4-H members running the sale are all shaking their heads in disbelief. What a bunch of bratty kids, they're thinking, both of them running out of control...

MrsDuck, after about 3 seconds of deep thought, pick a Scottish Fir tree and notice it's been marked down, from $60 to $40. The head 4-H person there says, "I'll take $20, just...GO!...".

I flip him a $20 and MrsDuck and the ducklings all pile into the Aztek. I spend about 15 minutes strapping down the tree to the luggage rack of the Aztek. Taking great care in securing the tree so there was NO CHANCE in the tree coming off during the entire 2.7 mile trip between the farm bureau and the Duck house.

Anywho, we get home in one piece and it takes me about another 30 minutes to get the tree OFF the Aztek.

Well, the ducklings are all excited, we now have a Christmas Tree.

Another adventure ensues when we put decorations ON the tree...



Copyright 2003